


If only

by Sapphyre402



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon Era, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Developing Relationship, F/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Secret Relationship, Their relationship is the only difference, but almost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23933179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphyre402/pseuds/Sapphyre402
Summary: Morgana always gets what she wants.Even if what she wants is a peasant who literally fell in his position at court.She couldn't have imagined what else she'd get.
Relationships: Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 81





	If only

**Author's Note:**

> First Merlin fanfic! Enjoy and consider leaving a review to let me know what you think ^^

Merlin is... not classically handsome, but certainly charming. In his own, fumbling way. He has very blue, kind eyes. He is funny, not afraid to be the butt of a joke, and Morgana really didn't think these would be qualities she would appreciate in a man. She's always surrounded by conceited nobles, though, and she never liked them, so maybe she shouldn't be quite so surprised.

Mostly, though, she sees Merlin as this unassuming, straightforward farm boy, so kind he wouldn't be able to hurt a soul, and just useless enough that it wouldn't be hard to stave him off anyway. The point is, whatever the reason, he feels utterly safe.

It's nothing (too) improper at first. Merlin has been delivering her potions for a while already, and it's easy to invite him in to sit while she combs her hair. He speaks of low, simple things when asked - the life of a servant of the castle.

His eyes shimmer prettily under her chamber's candle lights, so she keeps asking him to stay, just a little more, for sleep wouldn't take her anyway and she welcomes the company. The worry and fondness in his open features would be nearly insulting for how above his station it was - if she weren't counting on just such a reaction. 

And she soon learns that Merlin can gossip with the best of them, discussing the nobles‘ shortcomings with a candour Gwen could never match, because of the _pure_ lack of self-preservation it takes for a servant to speak in such a way of their betters. It is truly a more entertaining way to spend the evening that she could have imagined, and this sets her plans back by a few weeks because she honestly enjoys his chattering. 

She can only be happy that her brother doesn't keep him around longer than necessary in the evenings, even if his daily chores are more than anyone else's.

Then, one day, he comes up with her potion, and there isn't a chair on which to sit. He doesn't comment on it, doesn't even blatantly look around, even if there really was no good reason to subtract all the chairs from the king's ward's rooms. He greets her with the usual smile, that she observes through her mirror as he approaches to lay the little bottle on her dressing table. He's ready to leave with no questions asked, when Morgana twirls up from her chair with her unbound hair and light nightgown (so improper), 

"Do take a seat, Merlin." She hoped for a bit more of a reaction, but the servant only grins at her and raises an eyebrow at her bed. Morgana tries to keep her features blank, curious to see what he'll do. 

Merlin's face slowly turns placid, while the boy walks towards her bed with his usual, almost sheepish gait. He sits with the softest of 'tud's and doesn't free her gaze for an instant. Morgana can't believe how much this is affecting her. She wanted to see him flushed, stumped and flattered beyond measure, and suddenly she was the one getting too hot under the collar. His… his assuredness and calm, of all things!, shouldn't be doing such things to her insides. He shouldn’t be so… poised, for what could be the first time in his life, right when she tries to get a reaction! But he is, and for some reason, she appreciates that. Even as it infuriates her slightly.

“You bring more gossip to share, today? Another noblewoman who didn’t disguise her lover’s bastard as her husband’s seed well enough, maybe?”

“Ah, it’s been a slow day for the cads of Camelot. Why, I may even go as far as to say that me grabbing a few sweet cakes from Cook without asking was the highlight of today!”

“Oh, Merlin. Sweets, really?” She starts walking towards him, slowly, “There are much better things to do, just outside the law.” 

She gets closer.

“Stealing sweets may get me a scolding, stealing much more precious things could cost me my head.”

Morgana flicks her long hair behind her and steps between his knees.

“Then it’s good that you’re not going to _steal_ anything.”

One of his hands traces the folds of her skirts, close enough to touch but not crossing the distance.

“Am I not? And would the king see it that way?” Merlin looks at her from under his fringe, with a half-smile curving his pink, pink lips. And Morgana decides they have hemmed and hawed quite enough.

“What Uher doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.” And she finally does what she has spent the last several weeks fantasizing about.

Her fancy couldn’t hold a candle to the real deal. Even if her brother’s servant proved himself almost as ridiculous as he sometimes looked.

Ridiculous, entertaining and even caring. Stopping in the middle of a kiss to murmur against her skin things like,

“There are ways to guard your maidenhead-”

So that she has to recapture his lips to show him how they would stop only when she was good and ready. And _then_ having to answer him to quiet his worries...

“They don’t interest me.”

He fumbles with her skirts, laughs on her lips and caresses her like a precious thing.

Then he comes in his hand to not mar her insides, even if tisanes and poultices exist for just such occasions.

She enjoyed it.

֍֍﴿﴿﴿֍֍﴾﴾﴾֍֍

Morgana kept calling him into her chambers after that first time.

It seemed almost inevitable that they end up sleeping together. Not euphemistically, but quite simply dozing intertwined in each other’s arms until sleep claimed them and Merlin had to rush in the wee hours of the morning to present himself to the prince.

She had no idea what Gaius thought of his ward’s sleeping habits.

Nor could she guess at what he imagined of _hers,_ seeing as she hadn’t required his potions since her bed had first welcomed Merlin.

Every time, the bumbling peasant would protest briefly as it got late, trying to disentangle himself with a few goodnight kisses that always worked against him. Then he would finally settle as Morgana coaxed him with sweet words and sweeter touches, and he would transform in some sort of limpet, managing to envelop her completely and still press his ear against her breast. To check on her state as she slept, he said, but she suspected he just enjoyed the softness.

It almost pained her to admit, even to herself, that it was the least fitful, more restful sleep that she had gotten since she first arrived in Camelot. Thus she didn’t speak of it.

And she never _wanted_ to, for she knew what awaited them if anyone found out about their indiscretions. 

Except for when Gwen braided her hair with flowers, laughing at her lady who couldn’t help but hum when she had had a most excellent night.

She felt content in a way she couldn’t remember ever experiencing before.

If only everything could have stayed that way.

If only.

**Author's Note:**

> I switched from present to past tense in the middle... Let me know if you know how to convey the whole thing better because I could use a second opinion ^^'  
> Find me on tumblr [Notevengonnaanswerthat](https://notevengonnaanswerthat.tumblr.com)
> 
> Stay safe <3


End file.
